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body this week i bought pregnancy pants and a sto

body

this week i bought pregnancy pants and a stoma support band, after weeks of feeling defensive about it. finally excepting that they are going to help me find back some freedom on my body and the way i dress, they they will allow me to wear more of the outfits i loved but haven’t been wearing because i don’t feel confident or comfortable on them

this week i had s*x for the first time again after months of being in too much pain, or too tired, or dealing with menopausal issues, or not feeling comfortable with having two stoma bags

this week i made lentil soup and ate crisp apples and nuts from the tree in my garden, so simple yet so magical. exactly the types of things i used to eat all the time before

if you look at me, i’m starting to look a lot like the Maxime of before, i have a fuller face again, i can wear the same clothes again, eat the same things, it might seem like i always was this but this past year has been an underworld journey that took me deeper than i’ve ever had to go. my body still carries the scars and the memories(and also my body still has cancer, we shouldn’t forget that)

for most of the time this past year my body hasn’t been mine, she has been a project, a riddle, to be prodded in, meddled with, filled with products and medicine. but in this moment, sitting in the sun, with a cup of warm tea in my hand, she is completely mine. and i am reclaiming her with every little act of self love

more and more she is starting to feel like myself, like my own again
_
#embodied #livinginabody #selflove #bodyneutrality #selfcare #thisiswhatcancerlookslike #stomalife #feminine #oracle #moonchild #softness #healing #underworld #trauma #medicaltrauma #darkmoon #thebodykeepsthescore

𓊓 musings on the energy of this moment 𓊓 it

𓊓 musings on the energy of this moment 𓊓

it feels so urgent, the energy right now, the massive built up and all these stray whispers. it’s electric. and at the same time we’re not there yet, it’s close but not yet (i feel like i’ve been saying this for ever).

we are edging closer but we are not there and all we can do now is sit back and settle in. let ourselves be carried, allow ourselves to feel whatever we have to feel about that.

remind ourselves that we don’t have to do anything and we are where we are supposed to be.

we are in transit and the fact is that we always are and life is learning to be okay with that. taking care of ourselves while things are shifting, creating safe spaces for us to retreat into when things (and the world) get crazy.

this is the lesson, this is what self care and energy work is really about, there will always be something that’s “not yet” or not where we want it to be or that’s shifting. that’s how this is supposed to go, that is life.

as soon as we accept that that is what it’s about, that we will never really be done, we can start to focus on the real things. how can we keep ourselves safe and sane in transit? how can we make sure our bodies and nervous systems are nourished and solid? what are we learning and unlearning?

let go and lean in babies, we are preparing to dive a little deeper again this season

_
#energymusings #oracle #channeledmessage #cyclicalliving #embodied #lifelessons #change #becoming #darkmoon #soulful #embodiedtarot #healing #whatspiritualityis #softening

inhale i’m not saying life isn’t incredibly

inhale

i’m not saying life isn’t incredibly hard and heartbreaking at the moment but it’s also insanely beautiful and for now i’m trying to focus on all the tiny wonderful life lines, they keep me grounded here
_
#thisiswhatcancerlookslike #bowelcancer #brafmutation #stoma #ostomylife #thisislife #transformation #phoenix #soften #pocketsofjoy #oracle #moonchild #cyclicalliving #darkmoon

a house a home a searching, a yearning, attaching

a house
a home

a searching, a yearning, attaching all my hopes for grounding and safety onto it

i dreamt about it, wrote about it, listed it on new moons and full moons, captured the feeling long before the physical presence of it was an option

i dreamt about this house, of this exact moment. sitting in the garden with a cup of tea, watching the clouds float by and the leaves rustle and the butterfly friend fly by. i’ve been writing about some version of this for years and now it’s here, nothing like i ever expected it to be of course, but also everything

welcome home

_
@bram.canniere
#home #movingday #newhouse #butterfly #newcycle #rebirth #soften #newchapter #becoming #moonchild #embodied #moonwhishes #manifestation #cyclicalliving

void all i feel some days is sad, empty. it’s b

void

all i feel some days is sad, empty. it’s been almost a year, coming up on my “anniversary”. you’d think a year would be enough to get used to a situation but i don’t think any amount of time would be enough to get used to this

a year ago they told me that by now i’d be on the mend, recuperating, healing. and then a few month later that i might not ever get better. so what happens when you stay sick (at least you are lucky for not getting sicker)? what happens when days become months, become years? and there is always this faint hope that next time things will get and stay better, but also always this fear that maybe this is the best you’ll ever be and it will only go downhill from here?

it’s living the line between fear and hope, between good enough and not nearly okay. it’s being grateful and sad and angry and all the other things in between

i am void
empty
gutted

trying to live a life that feels so small, that feels like it will suffocate me. trying to be happy with the little things but wanting the big things so badly. trying to built something that will add up to more than just waiting, just surviving

(written on a bad day, on good days i’ll probably tell you a different story)
_
#whatcancerlookslike #bowelcancer #braf #embodiment #baddays #feelitall #surviving #nervoussystemcare #becoming #void #darkmoon #moonchild #soften #photography #creatrix

⍕ energy report september ⍕. medicine + gentle

⍕ energy report september ⍕. medicine + gentle helpers for the month ahead

flow. intuition. connecting to something bigger.
⍕

vi of wands
temperance
iii of cups

⍕

the energy is shifting in a big way this month, we can feel it in the air, we can see it in the cards. how can you see/feel it in your own life?

invitations to lean in, to soften, to connect to our intuition and something bigger than ourselves. pockets of flow and ease are available for us, all we have to do is be open

+ Snow really really really wanted to say hi to you ♥

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